I feel guilty I feel guilty so I'm going to blog a bit, since I'm too lazy to actually put the time and effort into blogging. I keep putting my foot in my mouth when I say I'm going to blog, but I never do. A lot of people do, but I'm sure it's more for the intrinsic worth than to run on about what other people are not interested in. Also, I can't write whatever I want on here because SHOCKER I actually have some secrets. Not many, but a precious few.

Hmm, orientation today. Quite uneventful, but I don't know if I should apply for the graduate program the coming year. I mean, I have plenty of time, but I'm kind of scared since I'm moving so fast. I'd really like to take a year off but my mom is having none of it, but she doesn't get that this is really what I'd like to do and so what if I want to double major. But yeah, she went ballistic when she thought I was going to go into Cinema, which is frankly quite interesting but I'm not creative enough to succeed in that field- but when she criticizes me like that I feel like I should just major in Cinema out of spite. It's like that all the time. She accuses me of something I don't do, but I do it because she just doesn't believe me and I'd like to prove her wrong.

Another subject. My Lord, I hate social networking. Well, I don't. Twitter is amazing. You couldn't believe the things you could do with such a simplistic yet elegantly constructed idea.

The thing about social networking is that it can be so blasted pervasive. You continually check on - admit it - one person's facebook (I do.)...stalking, if you will, and it can be so bloody convenient but at the same time, it really encroaches on that person's privacy. Like I really could give a damn, but I really wish that people wouldn't freely display aspects of themselves on their profiles so freely. Maybe my complaint is derived from a deeper problem...I have some issues I have to deal with. I know that I'm in denial, but just going on with life and trying to construct a life by skirting the edges of your problem wasn't going to be much help anyway. But denial is the only way I can cope. Also a healthy dose of work and school, in my case, school but I have a feeling it's going to be very mundane this semester. But I'm looking forward to a blank state. Where I'm not happy or unhappy. I hate the seesaw of crazed happiness and depressive gloom that I get when I have too much time on my hands and the summer sunlight can really accentuate your moods either way.

Also, I'm having trouble sleeping. I need a nicely portioned bit of alcohol to knock me out. I hope this isn't a sign of...well, my needing more help. But there you go. I'll probably need it again tonight.  ¶ 7:32 PM 0 Comments

  sucking it. I want to tell a lot of people to suck it.  ¶ 6:20 PM 0 Comments

  crunched week Wow, I had a surprisingly rough week. It snuck up behind and Pow! it hit in a matter of increments, saving several blows for the space of a few hours.

Sad thing is, I was having a very nice week until Wednesday, I did a stupid thing I could remember in recent memory.

I wasn't getting a dog after all.

I saw a picture that gave me unpleasant flashbacks from the past.

I lost my Watchmen t-shirt (which I've only worn once and only owned for barely a month).

also, my friend really likes self-gratification.

All in all, quite a chumpy week, eh? I feel like I'm being stretched from inside out and my head is pounding. I wish I could have some wine so I could taste some reality, but I just polished off the remains of my last bottle earlier this week.  ¶ 8:41 PM 0 Comments

  I've made a huge mistake.   ¶ 8:31 PM 0 Comments

  A strange occurrence today I was really unhappy & pissed about having a quiz every week for one of my classes because people decided that it would be nice to fail their midterm. So my teacher was nice enough to give everyone a chance to increase their grades hence the quiz every week until the end of the semester. So I was talking to this girl very seriously, "I am so pissed about this...!" and my teacher walks in and I immediately drop my voice and trail off.

But anyway, she wanted to use me for this experimental example to the class and she said, "[sic] looks really sweet today...[sic], why don't you come up?" and I was like looking in completely in the other direction, so I only looked over when she repeated her suggestion. I did.

Er, no one ever calls me sweet. It was really strange, and I don't know whether to feel flattered because I feel like my bitchface doesn't really allow me to be nicer than need be. Well, I guess I'm pleased...? I think that she heard me complaining about the unnecessary quizzes in the beginning of class, and since I'm not failing, she probably felt bad or something.  ¶ 6:07 PM 0 Comments